Breakups by Human Design

Breaking up usually feels like ass. Unless you’re a masochist (no kink shaming here), you probably don’t wanna deal with that sucky feeling for too long.

This post is about exploring a break-up through the lens of Human Design. While this post was originally intended for those in romantic relationships, this can definitely be used for platonic relationships as well.

(And if you plan on getting into a relationship again, don’t miss this blog post on compatibility by Human Design type).

Why “Something Feels Missing”

Human Design has a great visual way to explain why it feels like a part of you is missing when you break up with someone. Let’s use a fictional couple, Wendy and Meg, to illustrate how this might impact a relationship.

This is Wendy’s Human Design chart. She is a sacral Generator with a lot of undefined centers:

Here is Meg’s Human Design chart. Meg is an emotional Manifestor who also has a lot of undefined centers.

When they’re physically together, it creates a connection chart that looks like this:

All of the sudden, the undefined centers of each person’s chart is experiencing conditioning from the other person. Meg normally doesn’t have access to a defined sacral center, but around Wendy, she feels the push to get a little more work done on a consistent basis.

However, when Meg moves out of Wendy’s place, she may feel that she is having a much harder time working on a consistent basis without Wendy’s conditioning around.

When you physically move away from someone or you are no longer connected to their energy, you experience a shift in your personal energy. This is especially true if you have been in a long-term relationship with someone. You get so used to experiencing the connection chart (a combination of your chart with theirs) that you no longer recognize what it feels like to be just you.

Cutting Contact isn’t the Worst Thing

Even if you’re in a relationship with someone, Human Design encourages people to spend time alone – sometimes even going as far as to say you should sleep alone. The idea is that you are spending so much time in other people’s energy throughout the day, that if you sleep alone you can wake up as yourself.

While I do not push this practice onto all of my clients (especially to respect cultural differences) this is something I tend to do when I feel overwhelmed with other people’s energy.

The temptation is usually to reach out to the other person, see how they’re doing and check up on them. However, to cut contact, even temporarily, is to check up on yourself first, before interacting with your ex’s energy again.

You can see in the previous example that when Wendy and Meg were together, they formed a connection chart that’s different from their individual charts. When you separate from another human being, you pull your chart away from theirs.

To constantly reconnect is to recondition yourself with your ex’s chart before you’ve had a chance to remember what it felt like to just be you.

Moving On

Some Human Design profiles move faster than others when it comes to moving on. Of course, divine timing and personal goals will always play a factor into how fast you move on.

Just know that through the Human Design system, some people are expected to move on immediately and it holds no bearing on whether the previous relationship meant something or not.

If you’re not certain about your profile, you can generate your Human Design chart for free and then look up what your profile means here.

Here is a list of each profile and how they would most likely handle a break-up from a serious relationship. Keep in mind that wisdom, personal experiences and age also play a factor – so take these generalizations with a grain of salt.

  • 1/3 Investigator/Martyr – This is a more pessimistic profile and will likely go through a period of self-deprecating humor. With line three, when it’s over, it’s really really over and the bridge is burnt.
  • 1/4 Investigator/Opportunist – This profile leans to a personality that is giving in nature. The relationship ending can feel like a disappointment, but as it goes with line fours, there is likely another person lining up for when the 1/4 is ready.
  • 2/4 Hermit/Opportunist – This profile is your quintessential “introverted extravert”. On one end, they’ll feel relieved that they have their time back, but soon someone new will come knocking.
  • 2/5 Hermit/Heretic – This profile is likely to continue seeing the ex on and off or even finding someone to rebound with. The post break-up with this profile can be messy to others, but for the 2/5, it’s all part of the moving on process.
  • 3/5 Martyr/Heretic – When this profile moves on, they generally see the “mistakes” in the previous relationship and try to fix it for the next. When they are done, they are done for good and it’s rare for them to look back.
  • 3/6 Martyr/Role Model –  This profile takes breakups personally. They may feel a “soul connection” with their ex and struggle to move on initially… then suddenly, wake up ready. Zero to one hundred.
  • 4/6 Opportunist/Role Model – This profile is most likely to experience many different deep loves in one lifetime. The four encourages them to move on to the next before leaving the last, while the six is very optimistic for new ventures.
  • 4/1 Opportunist/Investigator – This is a profile that has a “shy side” and an “extraverted side”. They are most likely to consider lessons learned from the past relationship while resisting a pull to move on immediately.
  • 5/1 Heretic/Investigator – This profile is intense and naturally brings that intensity into relationships and breakups. There will likely be lingering passion, but also an inner knowing that it’s “smarter” to just let things go.
  • 5/2 Heretic/Hermit – This profile gets projected upon by everyone. If they can learn to not listen to all the criticism, they can find temporary peace in solitude.
  • 6/2 Role Model/Hermit – This profile will likely have the most graceful breakup, making peace with the person they were with while holding space for someone new to come through. They’d prefer it all to happen with no drama.
  • 6/3 Role Model/Martyr – This profile loves deeply and falls hard, but feels heartbreak just as much. However, the line three offers resiliency in all this chaos. Once the bridge with the ex is burned, they’re ready to move on.

So there you have it. Breakups suck, but know that you’re very much allowed to grieve and move on at your pace, sometimes predetermined by your Human Design.

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