This post is written in the beginning of December aka the time of the year where my body submits to seasonal depression (sometimes known as “The Big SAD” or a venti-sized order of Depresso Espresso.
My journey with Human Design is interesting because around the same time I became aware of my bodygraph, my psychiatrist told me that there was truly nothing more they could do for me. Since I was 13, I’ve been bounced from doctor to doctor, each tacking on their opinions to my mental health record.
The last visit I had with my psychiatrist, I printed several papers on the research of antipsychotics and the deterioration of the brain in schizophrenic users (I was formerly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type). I had 15 years of medication use- different dosages, combinations, and types – none which gave me permanent relief.
I expressed wanting a better quality of life, not just a life where I am numb to the world.
This wasn’t the first time I made this verbal declaration, but perhaps this is the first time I truly believed it and aligned with it. I think my psychiatrist felt it too, because she took her hands off her keyboard, turned to me, and said that outside of therapy, medicine hasn’t caught up to where I needed it to be.
A few weeks later, I’d see my Human Design bodygraph for the first time and the next stage of my recovery would reveal itself.
Depression and mental health is a silent shadow that stalks many entrepreneurs. My Voxer messages and emails have back and forths with peers and clients, many who present themselves a certain way on social media but may be falling apart behind the scenes.
I don’t judge them for this or say it’s lack of authenticity. Instead, I praise them for making space to fall apart in private.
This post is inspired by all the people who have shared their journeys with me and allowed me to poke different parts of their charts. I learned how mental health can affect someone’s Human Design journey and make them feel like they’re “doing it wrong” instead of empowered.
Here, I found several “universal truths” that threaded these readings together.
Your not-self shows up when you’re growing.
Each Human Design type experiences a “not-self.”
- Manifestors = Anger
- Manifesting Generators = Anger/Frustration
- Generators = Frustration
- Projectors = Bitterness
- Reflectors = Disappointment
The words, “not-self,” make this sound like something you should avoid because it reveals lack of alignment.
Growth is a lack of alignment. It is the limbo between who you were and who you’re becoming. It’s natural for your brain to interpret change as a threat.
You can experience the not-self as you increase your income, change your branding, change your business model, or otherwise shift your business to align with the way you’re designed.
You don’t need to take immediate action to remove the not-self. It’s okay to spend periods of time reflecting on why the not-self is showing up, learning from it, and partaking in this natural part of growth.
The universe has its own timeline for you.
When I first devoured Human Design information, I learned a lot of generalizations. I’d later learn that Human Design is very much incomplete and as humanity shifts, the translations of Human Design will evolve.
The concept of time was one that brought up many questions in entrepreneurs.
Generators and Manifesting Generators express frustration in not getting their launches done in record time, despite having the coveted defined sacral.
Manifestors are pressured to “just inform and do something,” and feel guilty about taking their time to make a decision.
Projectors feel like they’re being left behind because it takes them forever to develop a single idea and even longer to recover if it falls apart.
Reflectors are designed to take at least a lunar cycle to understanding something, which seems terribly slow compared to the other types.
There is no universal timeline. Even if someone shares your same, exact Human Design type.
There is nothing wrong with you if your body moves faster or slower to make decisions and execute, compared to your peers. I encourage you to refrain from saying, “Well, I’m the same Human Design type as this other person so I do what they do.”
Think of your Human Design as a table of contents that has been prewritten. The pages are blank, but the table of contents has been set since your birth. Your life gets written in the pages as you move through your timeline. Some chapters need to be longer than others. Some will interweave with another person’s story. Characters will come and go.
Trust that the timeline you’re working on is specifically designed for you. Everything you intend to manifest is already out in the world but it is waiting for you to be in the correct time, correct alignment, and correct environment so you can receive it.
(This is why when you ask your tarot reader about your wealth, they’ll likely say yes, because they see it in your “table of contents,” even if you’re not experiencing it immediately. YOU still need to chart the course that gets you from one chapter to the other).
You’re not being left behind. Your incarnation is unique to you and no matter have many competitors or peers have completed their elaborate launches, there is space for you when it’s your turn.
Take that nap. Take that day off. Take care of the vessel embodying your spirit. Rest is just as important to your story as action is.
These moments are a test of your authority.
The idea behind Human Design is that we’re moving away from a world where we solely think with our logical, strategic minds. We are reconnecting with our bodies and the larger cosmos it’s a part of, hence why we have authority as an internal guide.
So when your body says, “I must rest and recuperate… I am not well today,” and your brain demands, “No! Stop being lazy. You need hustle. You’re not good enough to be a business owner if you can’t even get out of bed, DRINK THE WHOLE POT OF COFFEE,” acknowledge that conditioning.
I bet that voice in your brain doesn’t even belong to you. Perhaps you’ve seen someone ranting about lazy people on social media. Maybe a loved one equated your bad days with laziness. Maybe you were made to feel guilty when you asked for help in the past. It came from somewhere and it conditioned you.
How unnatural is it for us to hear our bodies requesting a moment of rest and for us to tell it to stop being ridiculous?
Next time you hear that voice demanding you to get out of bed and hustle/grind/work through it, remember that this is a form of conditioning. You have to acknowledge it and decide whether this conditioning is something you align with or whether you’re ready to let it go.
This blog post is a reminder of your humanity. Your body has its own rhythms, cycles, and experiences that are completely valid even if it’s different from someone else’s.
Depression may be part of that humanity… at least, in this chapter of your life. Who knows how the pages will be filled in the future chapters?
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