To kick off my 30th birthday, I’m doing my own Human Design chart. With how many charts I read on a daily basis, I rarely touch my own chart or the chart of my family members.
This is because I trust my strategy and authority to guide me – but if something interesting occurs, I’d then check the charts to see what may be happening.
Here’s my chart:
I’m a 3/5 Self-Projected Projector, incarnated in the Right Angle Cross of the Vessel of Love. I am motivated by “Need.”
To acknowledge my style and approach to Human Design, this reading will be reflective and conversational, rather than a straight up translation.
Being a Self-Projected Projector
I trust in the words that come out of my mouth. I am a talker. When I do readings, I record my voice. I send voice memos all day to friends and contractors.
There’s a video somewhere of me being three years old, standing in front of the mirror, and talking to and about myself in third person.
I was born trusting my voice.
I live in a world that continuously attempts to take it away.
My decision process is easy to understand but difficult in practice. I thought I would just talk until the answer appears. Not the case.
I know I’ve come to a decision when:
1. I answer my “motivation” (keep reading – I’ll talk more about this)
2. My voice is clear and loud. If it’s garbled or “stuck,” I go back to “processing” my decision.
Self-Projection requires the trust of self. This authority is based on the G Center (love, direction, purpose, identity). Everything, from acceptance of my body to being real about how I approach business, needed to be understood in order for me to use this authority.
A lot of deconditioning happened.
My major takeaway is that there are a lot of people who want to tell me how I should live my life and how I should run my business. As long as I stay connected with my identity, following my authority is effortless (effortless being synonymous with “success,” a Projector’s signature).
This authority leads me to the correct environments and correct people, which creates the type of recognition and invitations I need.
That 3/5 profile life
People in my Human Design membership have pointed out how I seem to attract my fellow 3/5’s. I think it’s because my underlying message is to explore, experiment, and if you don’t align with it, move away from it.
Note about Line 5’s: I see a lot of conversations about being “abrasive” because of the Line 5. It’s the line of “heretics” (hence the name of my coven).
However, you can’t be an asshole, lacking all self-awareness and then blame people calling you out for it on “your line 5.”
I take being a Line 5 as a challenge. My friends know not to send me screenshots of petty gossip. I don’t hang out with people who constantly pick on others (see: business coaches who shit on other business coaches for their marketing strategies). I also don’t purchase from, support, or buy from businesses who do not hold themselves accountable for ignorance.
Being a Line 5 means having the added pressure of understanding how I am perceived.
I’m a heretic to the Chinese because I speak Cantonese (long story about classism within my own people). I’m a heretic living in the Bible Belt because I’m not of Abrahamic faith. I’m a heretic as a business owner because my marketing strategy is, “Buy my stuff – or not. I’m not going to convince you.”
The 3/5 (martyr/heretic) profile was the first thing I felt aligned with, in my Human Design. It’s also been the most challenging for me to understand within my lived experience.
Right Angle Cross of the Vessel of Love
I give my Incarnation Cross so much grief because of the repulsion I felt when I first read about it.
The embodiment of myself… as a vessel… of love. PLEASE 🙄
I realized that I hated this Incarnation Cross because I couldn’t fathom the idea of being surrounded by love. I grew up with abuse. I recognized and followed patterns of abuse. My “first love” in middle school (a girl) left me for a guy she later married (I was a troubled kid with abandonment issues. I don’t fault her. We were kids).
Love was the major elusive theme in my life (and ironically, one of the only two defined centers in my chart).
The moment I learned how to define “love,” my whole life changed (also – I went through my first Saturn return so that helped shake things up).
Instead of telling you what love means to me, here’s a few acts of love I’ve shown myself and others in 2020:
- Hygiene, nourishing foods, joyful movement. I threw out my scale. I’m a mom who has a fluctuating hormonal cycle. I don’t punish myself for that anymore.
- Cutting friends from my social circle but telling them why. I recognize that some people are in their healing journey where they hate everything and wanna shit on everything (I’ve been there) but I also recognize I do not want to trauma bond anymore.
- I argue and split hairs with problematic people for a minimum of $500/hour. I pocket $150 for my time/energy/taxes and donate the rest to The Bail Project. I also donate all earnings from problematic former customers (especially when they pop up on my feed bashing minority groups) to that fund.
- I vote with my money. I will never make perfect purchase decisions (I am human, after all), but I make a conscious effort to primarily support businesses who not only support me but the causes I believe in, through consistent action. I firmly believe that this is the type of world Alan “Ra Uru Hu” Krakower predicted us moving towards. I have sons and my friends have children. Money is the lifeblood of a business. I give my blood to those who align with the future I want for my kids – because I love them.
- I give myself grace. I will always have room for improvement but I honor where I am in my timeline and don’t punish myself for what I don’t know.
Love, for me, isn’t a big hug and prayer for world peace. It’s fighting for what I believe in and for whom I believe in (oh yes, I have The Gate of the Fighter in my chart).
It’s making the difficult choice to break my sons’ hearts and say they can’t play with friend whose parent has repeatedly targeted children and people of color with false accusations (this happened) because I need to protect them.
It’s looking at myself in the mirror, remembering all the jokes about how I have a “pie face” or “fat nose” (ethnic features of the Han Chinese) and genuinely believing I’m beautiful, despite that.
Motivation of “Need”
I understood that my authority spoke through the lens of my motivation. My voice became clearer and the answer revealed itself when I realized what I “needed.”
When I make buying decisions, I scope it out and have a dialogue with myself on whether I “need” it.
The nuance about motivation is that your perception of this motivation can change depending on where you are in your journey.
For example, a year ago, I needed enough money to make rent, pay my bills, and feed my sons. Bare minimum.
This year, after a huge mindset overhaul, I realized that needed vision insurance. I need to go to the gym to care for my body. I need TWO virtual assistants who charge me $30-$50/hour (and is worth that amount – P.S. they’ve made a HUGE difference in my productivity). I need a business that makes space for people who look like me or have similar stories. I need to charge more money for certain services.
Yesterday, I went to target to buy more plates (my former minimalist self decided I didn’t “need” more than 6 plates for a family of 4, assuming we’d wash them after every meal 😂). On my way, I checked out the Keurigs because I wanted a machine that would make me “tea lattes” at home. My authority said, “You don’t need this because you don’t drink enough lattes to need one… You even decline Starbucks when your partner asks if you want anything from there!”
I ended up getting a few heavy, $2/piece forks because I “needed” forks that weren’t so flimsy they fly around my dishwasher or get dropped by my kids because there’s no weight to them.
I’ve shifted to need “functional and sustainable” instead of needing “cheap as possible because I’m broke as hell.” (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs works really well for me, though I’ve heard it doesn’t work as well for other motivation types! Interesting!)
This is 30 and life after my first Saturn Return.