This message came to me like a wave of nausea.
My local community is going through a crisis where workers are demanding higher wages and businesses can’t keep anyone employed. There is a divide where some people proudly work multiple jobs to support their families while others happily accept all sources of financial aid as they’re dubbed “lazy”. Business owners who pay just above the minimum wage are trapped in a cycle of being unable to raise their prices so they are unable to raise their expenses. Many blame business owners for being greedy and refusing to cut their own paychecks though the story is likely more complicated. Business owners often come with personal debts on top of their business debts. Add any sort of issues such as paying child support, going through a divorce, or caring for unwell family members and you have chaos.
Exiting the Victim Identity Code
I went through my own set of fears when I created The Wild Pixel. I wanted Human Design to be for everyone and anyone who wants to explore the system. One of my deeper traumas was born in my late teens and early twenties when I found myself homeless and wandering around New York City. I’d scramble a few dollars together for tuna and crackers or pick something out of the trash when I didn’t think anyone was looking. My shame fueled my inner martyr who never wants anyone to go through that experience. I priced myself low or slightly above market value, while secretly stewing in my bitterness that I was not being honored for the energy I put into my work.
Therapists, mentors, and business coaches have tried to explore this trauma with me. My breakthrough finally came when I learned to mind my own business. I’m a sensitive person. Whenever I see someone suffering, I can put myself in their shoes. I needed to learn that it was not my place or role to reduce who I am in order to create the illusion that I was saving someone else.
In a way, I was using their pain to stoke my ego because I’m just trying to be helpful. The truth is, I was holding onto a piece of identity that remained a victim and I projected that victimhood onto others, regardless of whether they agreed.
Let’s be clear: shitty things happened to me and homelessness is just the tip of the iceberg. But the best way (for me) to fully step into who I am in this incarnation is to release the need to identify as a victim. This includes identifying with my mental health labels, criticisms from people I don’t want to be connected with, and the belief that I am helpless to intersectional issues. I’m writing this article while working with two lawyers for two different situations where I need to protect myself. Instead of seeing my lawyers as people who are proving that I am the victim, I am seeing my lawyers as people who are putting the pieces in place so I don’t have to devolve into victimhood.
When I operated on the victim/abuser consciousness, I saw my clients and customers in the victim/abuser consciousness.
They can’t afford to work with me because of capitalism.
They are stuck in this cycle of abuse from white men because of the patriarchy.
They won’t pay me my asking price because they’ve been burned by coaches in the past.
It felt like I was leaving the victim/abuser consciousness and stepping into self-empowerment, but refusing to fully leave because I was scared to leave others behind.
In the present, I choose to step into a higher state of being, where I can leave my hand dangling off the cliff, waiting for the next person who asks me to pull them up. Funny, my Projector strategy is to wait for the invitation. I never need to ask anyone if they want my help. They’ll feel the readiness to grab my hand when they’re ready.
The Collapse of this Reality Looks Different for Everyone
For me, this shift was an earthquake. I experienced cyberbullying, threats, abandonment, and recurring heartache until I broke and declared that this was enough. When people wanted me to fight back or play their games, I chose to redirect my energy to places of joy and love.
I could write a whole new post on love because this is something I had to learn to accept before I could fully experience it.
The Wild Pixel seemed to grow overnight. It was a sudden reckoning of what I no longer allowed in my life so I could make space for my next stage of life. The first time I met Pilar, she compared my energy to a hurricane. This is how I experience my shift – a giant, violent mess that arrives with minimal warning. But I am quick to rebuild.
I’ve worked with clients who experienced their collapse as subtle, constantly happening under the surface. Others have talked about grief and loss being the catalyst of their shifts. There’s also plant medicine and other psychedelics that are commonly praised for aiding in breakthroughs. Your shift does not have to look like anyone else’s or be explosive in order to be real.
Another mentor told me that every moment is a test. Sometimes, I want to be cruel. I want to hurt people who have hurt me first. Or I am begged to give my energy or help when I truly don't want to. I can feel the collapsed reality crawling up on me, asking me to go back to the victim/abuser state. Luckily, being human was never about perfection.
Accessibility Beyond Pricing
Today, I am one of the most expensive Human Design readers you’ll come across. Oh yes, I’ve heard the sneers and contempt from institutions and groups who believe that a lack of a traditional certification or my audacity to price triple my mentors is wrong. 😆
Again, minding my own business.
Traditionally, being accessible and effective has been correlated to cheap prices. However, cheap is not a term I identify with and cheapness comes with a slew of its own issues. Instead, I like to consider the amount of accessibility I offer:
The most accessible way into my work, in terms of price, is through my free content. These are my memes, emails, blog posts, etc.
Notice that this image is not in a pyramid. There is no hierarchy of access here.
Those who work with me on a mentorship/coaching level have a much larger financial, energetic, and time commitment to me than someone who is solely reading my blog posts. The commitment of access, time, and energy is returned based on the mutual exchanges.
The beauty of these exchanges is that charging what I do gives me space to write, create, and build from a place of success and joy, rather than out of desperation. Self-empowerment, from Master Mindo’s chart, is easier to maintain when I’m not bitterly cursing my rent, my bills, or my health for making me a victim of capitalism. I’m able to create memes and write blog posts that come from my soul, rather than subscribing to the marketing game of “research what the people want and make it.”
The best part? I get to redirect my funds to hire an incredible team of people who also don’t want to play the traditional 9-5 job game. They get to reinvest those funds into their own sources of joy and the cycle continues.
I also used to lower my prices so marginalized groups would have more access to my work, though again, the free content is a form of access. Now, I used my funds to pull people who are ready to leave the victim/abuser state and empower their communities through their existence.
Sharing Instagram posts about violence against AAPI is cool. Being able to fund scholarships so people like me, like my sons, will have more representation and political power in future generations, is better.
Using trending hashtags is great. Not needing the PPP loans and becoming an angel investor in your favorite small businesses is better.
Being in the victim/abuser code projects ego-ridden saviorhood.
Being self-empowered is a domino effect of opening doors for others to help themselves, so they can open more doors to help others.